Vent #1

• wa7ed la3wazni! kelshway edeg 3alaiiii .. awal mokalama consisted of this:

Me: alo
Guy: (madre shno kan g3d ekharbe6)
Me: alo! (irritated)
Guy: sem3ay sem3ay! TKFAIIIIIIIIIN LATSAKREEEEEENA!! 3afya sem3ay.. zain?
Me: ?????
Guy starts singing!!!!!!
6ab3an 3ala 6ool sakarta eb wayha..
LAISH G3D ETGHANEELI?! oo 9ota nashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaz!!!! laish wayed mo3jab eb 9otek? ge6ee3a.. wal7een kel ma ashoof raqam ghareeb mared 3alaih cuz i know its him.. kel ma ared 3ala raqam ghareeb ela uhwa g3d eghaneeeli .. akher eghneya kanat "Jebarni El Wagt".. it was funny at first.. but now its kind of annoying! .. SHALAKHNI MSGS!!

Msg#1: Mashkoora 3ala ele 9ar.. tara kelshay beldenya beltafahum
Msg#2: Ga3ed A3aberlech 3an masha3ree wentay sadaiteeh bwayhi mashkoora wayed..

MAYNOOON?! LA WALAH MEN 9IJEK?!.. ya3ni khalas GET THE HINT!.. ma radait 3ala ANY of ur msgs.. or calls.. dawer wa7da thanya etghaneelaha.. WAI3! ..

• LAISH MA3NDE CRUSHES METHEL UM MIT3IB?!.. ana agoool khal a7ad yetwa9a6liii wegoolaha etsalefni wa7ed men el crushes malot-ha 3ala ma algali wa7ed san3 ..
  

• ABI ASAFER! LA3AT CHABDE! .. wallah.. this semester i have NO SOCIAL LIFE WHATSOEVER! .. its exam after exam.. quiz after quiz.. homeworks o tekawedaw foug rasi.. not to mention projects.. and labs.. and lab reports.. BABCHE! i cant wait for this semester to end!.. hefff

• I gained 4 KILOS!!!! *gasp* .. yes.. FOUR! .. so for the past couple of days ive been living off tea.. boiled eggs.. and lettuce and coffee.. any suggestions?

• MA3NDE HDOOM ISHTA! .. wallah men 9ijjjiii.. i need to go shopping o ma3nde time.. so qarart agtheb wa7da men rab3ee.. wa36eeha lista sh6oolha .. with pictures ;p .. wage6 3alaiha my credit card.. wehya tetwala el mohemma ..
  

• ZAWJOOONI HUGH JACKMAN! .. aw shabeeeha.. ana artha! wallah artha ..
  

to be continued

Ayal.. !!

ya jema3at el khair.. thak el youm kent ray7a el ba7ar broo7i.. 7abait ashooof el sunset.. and maybe.. JUST MAYBE.. with the fresh air and the view.. gelt choud galbi ye7en shwaya wa9eer romanceya.. bes ma 6ala3 weyay shay.. lel assaf.. EL MOHEM.. wana ga3da in the freezing cold.. with my sweater and my scarf wrapped around me.. and my eyes watering men el hawa el BARED! a6el 3al ba7ar washoooof THIS!

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WALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN! NOT ANOTHER SUICIDAL INDIAN HOUSE MAID! ..hathi shetsawe? its FREEEZING!! oo 6abaaa ba7ar.. HATHI MEN SEJ-HA?! ana ga3da eb mukani labsa hoodie thegeel and a scarf and im freezing ! oo hathe bet6eb? mako another explanation ela enha suicidal..

al7eeen hathiii tente7er wana abtelesh.. a6el yemeeen yesar.. MAKO A7AD! .. chan atwahag!! .. al7eeen ana lazem i stop her.. etha khalait-ha o meshait bet9eer 3ala themetiii.. so i decided to run to her and knock some sense into her! .. so i jumped in the sand.. oo galbi 3awarni 3ala my new beautiful Pedro Garcia suede boots.. if anything was to happen to them.. id kill her before she got a chance to kill herself .. (yes i love my shoes)..

ELMOHEM.. as i run to her waving and screaming.. she merely ignores me..

"HEYYY!!! MARRRRRY! CHANDRAAAAA!!!!! LACHMI!!!!!!! STOP!".. and FINALLYYYY she turns to look at me.. and i start yelling at her..

Me: WHAT YOU DOING!!! COLD!!!!!! (6ab3an lazem el grammmer o el elsan yetghayar awal ma7achi hindi aw hindiya .. la sho3ooreyan)
Her: (et-hezli ras-ha o tebtesem)
Me: cold .. COLD?????? U NOT COLD? (w i offer to give her my scarf)
Her: (et-hezli ras-ha) Yes god!
Me: what god?! COLD?!?!?!
Her: God! yes god!

and it turns out.. shes praying madre shsalfat-ha.. PRAYING! this is how she prays.. etge6 roo7ha in the FREEEZING cold.. and makes herself an excellent candidate for pneoumonia (Smella 3alaiha) .. awwww hypothermia! not to mention almost giving me a heart attack! .. what kind of religion would allow such thing? 3assabt!! 3ama b3ain ebleeeesech ZAIN! .. ya mal el .....!!!

chan etrooo7 etzaheb laymoona.. o some thing that shoots fire.. and tries to burn it along with some chanting.. kheft she does some voodoo shit on me chan aan7ash..

ive been trying to research what type of religion hal maynoona.. bes ma 7a99alt shay.. so if any of u know.. let me know plz! thank u !

Gobossa!

Ya jema3a khalas its been officially confirmed ene gobossa oo wayhii eyeeb el fager..
Se2loooni laish..
a few years ago.. Ahali qareraw eroo7oon sharm, wana 6ab3an lazem arez wayhi eb kel safra wala ma yetehanoon.. Besmella mamdana wesalna ela sarat enfejarat ..

Ba3dain ahali qareraw eroo7oon lebnan wana gelt bal7aghum 3ogob cham youm cuz kan 3ndi school.. Gabel lasafer eb youm chan sheseer? Ee na3am ENFEJARAT! Ba3daaaaaaaain elsafra ele 3ogobha.. Sadeeqat el family lebnaneya.. Oo bent-ha kanat eb tezawaj ordoni.. So gelna benroo7 jordon 7ag el3ers.. Wala efajroon bel hotel malhum eb kobra!!! Hni gemt A7ESS ene gobossa.. Shesalfa? 3asa magelt baroo7 mokan ela befajroon feeh? Mo ma3qoola.. Its a coincidence

and one of those time.. dagait 3ala my cousins oo granpa o mami oo getluhum ta3alaw zoorooni bel q8.. Because q8 is the safest country in the world (disregarding swiss) .. But NOOOOOOO.. Something just HAD to happen!! Sar terrorist attacks oo hawenaw!!

Ba3dain allah esalemkum men cham shahar safart dubai weya rab3i .. Oo 3ogob ma radaina eb fatra we had to cancel all our credit cards because of something concerning the russian mafia o boug..

And NOW we were supposed to go to thailand in a few days.. Bes knowing my luck sheseer?! Mothaharat oo emsakreeen el ma6arat!!!! Fa e7temal KBEEEER mansafer.. ante7er?

Abasherkum.. Ana gobossa :)

Fa ya jema3a .. Nesee7a men ekhetkum sh7afana.. Ele besafer laygooli 3ashan la agabess 3alaih.

O salamatkum

My Father, My Rock

Agoolukum shay jema3at elkhair? Wallah el3atheem if I ever find a guy who's HALF the man my father is, I'd marry him in a heart beat. No, u know what? Scratch that out. If he was 1\4 the man he is. Allah e6aweli eb 3umra enshallah. Wallah law mo ubooy chan 7agna thaye3 eb hadenya. Uhwa el sanad.. uhwa el thahar.. uhwa kelshay ;* He's my inspiration.. He's the person i look up to and always will.. My role model.. 7abeebi ubooi.. He's my best friend..
Oo lama i come across someone my father has helped.. or someone that used to know my dad.. or shadowed him.. o esoolfoon 3ana.. aw yemde7oona.. aw they tell me great things he's done that he has never mentioned before.. i literally GLOW with pride..

ya 7elo reyayeeeeeel awal.. ya 7elooohum.. mo shabab hal ayam ge6a3.. (mo kelhum).. bes wayed menhum.. why cant they be more like our fathers? a7ess over the years kel jeeel ekoon fee fassad akthar..

abi wa7ed methel ubooy.. Hatha my dream guy.. a guy just like my dad.. wa7ed 7agani... ma yathlem a7ad.. . 6ayebbb oo galba abyath bes shedeeeeed when he needs to be.. rayal lah haibta.. kareeem.. meltezem.. muthaaqaf.. ekhaf allah eb murta we3yalla.. le'ana ele maykhaf raba maykhaf men shay.. wa7ed ejabel baita o morta o 3yala.. mo 24 sa3a hyata.. aw bedowaneya aw bel shalaih weya rab3a..

He's my rock.. my solid ground.. the person that can make everything better.. the person i go to when im in trouble .. or just need to talk..

tadroon lama enas etgool ena mat3arfoon qeeemat el shay ela lama ethee3 menek? or that u never know what u have till its gone? i know what i have.. i have one of the greatest fathers bedenya.. oo a7md rabiii kel youm ena i grew up with a daddy like him.. allah e6awelii eb 3umraaaa yaraaab ..

Et7errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I went private for a couple of reasons, to keep someone out of my life. I dont want her in my life in any way. Not even through my blog. It's not about the haters as some of you may think. I could care less about them. And its not about people trying to figure out who i am, because i could care less about that too. 6ab3an ma AFATHEL ena enas et3rf ana meno.. bes if by some chance someone does, i wont make a fuss about it. So thats pretty much it;p.. al7eeen bagoolukum salfa!

okay.. i have this group ta3araft 3alaihum bel takhasos.. most of them are really sweet girls.. o we're all going at the same pace.. o yesadef ena nakheth nafs el classes.. so nadres weya ba3ath wayed.. o fe wa7da feehum etnarfezni.. etyeeebli 7AREJJJJJJ.. anqath menha.. yarabi el bent et7errrrrr.. ANANEYA eb shakel !.. et7en.. togaf foug rasi all the time bes et7en.. sa3at im an inch away from screaming BESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! ENTAY BES ET7ENEN?!! 3AMMA!! bes im too polite to actually say anything.. fa a7gerha..

bes 3ogob fatra.. ekteshaft ena 7aqarat el denya feeha.. So what that i said ene ma7eb banat islamiya? sheno ya3ni? gamat el qeyama?? ba3ad sij!! kel ma yeg3edoon yamna e7eshoon feena bel irani!.. ya3ni 7ash chethe ashkara masheft!!.. oo ham hal bent men hanoo3.. matsa3ed ela el 3ayam.. o ya wailha ele etrafej-ha mo 3eeemeya.. etseer theeba weyaha.. 6ab3an gabel la taklooni begshoori.. im not trying to offend any 3ayam in any way.. bel 3aks.. fe men a3az rab3e that are 3ayam.. oo adre ena not all of them are like that.. just a stupid few.. EL MOHEM.. etseer 7ail 7aqeera.. wetbayen enha 7laiiiiwaaa.. laken warraa ebtesamat-ha duwahi!.. khansameeha Booma.. le'ana sij shakelha chenha Booma.

example # 1
Sh7afana: Booma 3adi asawer ur notes bacher?
Booma: Sh7afana feeeehum kel mo7atharati o 3ndi quiz badresla bel break! ana akhaleelech coBBBBy bel tasweer
Sh7afana: khoash no problem.. mashkoora..
6ab3an amor bel break algaha ga3da etsoolef weya refeejat-ha o SEEEEEFOOOOON tes7ab 3alay TSHHHHHHHHHHH..

oo shetsawe sh7afana? et6aweff.. etgool 7aram mabi athlemhaa..

example #2
Booma etroo7 3nd el doctor gabel emt7ana eb youm.. chan yeqarer ena negdar ensawe a cheat sheet.. wendakhelha ma3ana el exam.. o galaha balghay kel el banat..
the next day bel emt7an.. 5 MINUTES GABEL LEXAM! ashoof wayed men el bnat maskeen sheets.. chan as2al el dr.. chan egool ana balaght Booma etgool 7ag el banat.. 6ab3an mala da3ee agool enha bes gayla 7ag rabe3ha Zainab o Al Zahra2 oo 7awra2.. we7na 6AAAAF!.. oo la7thaw enha kanat daga 3alai gabelha eb youm tes2alni 3an a problem o ga3adt an hour ashra7laha on the phone .. ako a7qar men chethe? :) ..

oo ham Sh7afana et6awef.. etgoool yalla ma 3alaih.. entay a7san menha..

example #3
Me Booma and ilHinfi were walking to the elevator.. wana kent dasha eb neqashat msgs weya a friend.. fa kent lahya with my phone.. o mastaw3abt ena kan fe 3 guys warana walking towards the elevator too.. so as soon as the elevator opens.. i walk in.. wala wa7ed e6eg Ground floor.. Just as the elevator was closing .. astaw3eb ena im the ONLY girl in the elevator! oo Booma wagfa barra el elevator smiling an waving.. it turns out that as i walked in .. Booma ETTELLL el Hinfi as i walk in and tells the guys tefathelaw.. just to embarass me..

meni bedait atnarfaz..

taboon et3rfoon meta ele sij sij SIJJJJJ 3assabt?! khal agoolukum..

we had a midterm at 9:30 am.. o gabelha eb youm kan 3nde 3ers and another midterm.. o mamdani adres ela the weekend before.. So i went to jam3a at 7:30 to study .. oo yaw that same group yadresoon weyay.. wehya yat.. metdoodha mo 3arfa et7el mas2ala.. la7thaw ena ana kent ga3da ADRESS.. wehya ETRAJE3... ako farg shase3!.. ehya darsa o khalsa.. wana tawne ma bedait.. g3adt for 30 mins ashra7laha el problem o shlon 6areeqat-ha.. o 3asa ma sa2alt-ha 3an shay galatli "hatha mo fahmetta.. 6awfeeeh el dr gal mo mohem".. bes kent a7gerha wadresa ANYWAY le'ana kel mas2ala galat 3anha mo mohema yat bel emt7an BETHAB6.. eb the same numbers b3ad.. so while we were all studying.. ako this problem all of us ma gedarna en7elha.. ALL 6 GIRLS! .. oo el emt7an 3ugub niss sa3a.. oo 3 guys in our class maraw jedamna.. usually Booma tes2alhum.. or the other girls.. ana wala mara i approached them..

Booma: Sh7afana 3afya se2leehum.. ana lail7een ga3da anqel el homework
Sh7afana: okay bes maroo7 broo7i.. wa7da feekum etyee weyay..
(El Hinfi tangez wetgoool ANA AYEE WEYACH!)
As il hinfi was getting up .. Booma etelha wetgoolaha GE3DAY!!! wet6ale3ni wetgooli:
Booma: Sh7afana entay roo7ay.. yall bser3a gabel la yamshoon! roo7ay broo7ech .. YALLA!!
(wana atane7.. what am i her maid?!)
Sh7afana: laish talaitay El Hinfi o tabeeni aroo7 broo7i? shako?
Booma: La ana gelt El hinfi 7ayaweya .. wehya jaree2a.. wentay "english school" fa 3adi etkalmeeen shabab.. bes e7na mo "english school" fa mo 3adi enkalem shabab..

YAAAAAAAAAAA SALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM 3ALAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICH 3ALA HAL NATHAREYA EL TO77777777FAAAAAAAAA!!!
ANA TANA7T!!! .. sheno ya3ni !!!!! AWAL SHAY .. LA MO 3ADIII EN7ACHI SHABAB MAN3AREFHUM!! BEGHATH EL NATHAR "ENGLISH SCHOOL" WALA MO "ENGLISH SCHOOL"!! ..

ya3niii sabatnii.. sheno ya3nii ?! shqasdech!! .. CHAN A3ASSEB!!

gemt men mukani.. shelt aghrathi .. and i walked away.. on my way .. i came across a guy in class.. chan as2ala law 7al mas2alat el cavitation.. gali ee.. 3a6ani eyaha and told me to keep it he has a copy.. so re7t 6awla broo7i. o g3adt a7elha.. chan etyeeni Booma togaf foug rasi

Booma: Sh7afana yalla wain el mas2ala!
(a7gerha wakamel akteb o ma arfa3 rasi)
Booma: sh7afana yalla abeeeha ma bogga shayyyyyy 3al emt7an badresss-ha!!!
(my blood was boiling and i was THIS close to dumping my Toffee Nut Latte on her UGLY FACE! ya3ni gowat 3ainha! the nerve of that girl!)
Booma: ra7 ta36eeni eyaha wala shlon?
Sh7afana: BOOMA LAW SEMA7TAY WAKHRAY 3ANIIIII O LATKALMEEENI!!!!

HEFFFF BES! WESALT 7ADI MENHA!! 3AMA B3AIN EBLEEEEES-HA!!! 7aratni!!!!!
qaleeelat adab!

tkfoon.. mat7er?!

im going private

I'm going private for a while.. ketbaw ur e-mails if u guys want to be invited .. Thanks

Questions That Piss Me Off

• Entay Kwaiteya? SHRAYKUM!!!! i dont get why people keep on asking me that.. lani shagra.. walaaa 3yoooni zerg.. laish haso2al ya3ni?! oo lama agolohum ee.. esmi SH7afana Bent SH7afan.. YENTHAWLOOON.. "la la mo ma3qooola" .. wai3 chub. ana kwaiteya :( .. JE SUIS KOWEITIENNE!!! ana qarart batmasha o balzeg my passport 3ala yab-heti..
  

• Cham mo3adalech? ekhrasssssssssss!!!!! SHAKO SHAKO!!!!! that question makes me uncomfortable.. LAISH ELEGAFA?!
  

• strangers asking me Entay men benta? Umech meno? Meno ubooch? oo dayman 3ala 6araf elsani MALKUM SHEGHEL.. bess im too polite to say it.. shoofooli 7allll

• Eb cham? im fine lama ppl emoonoon 3alai wamoon 3alaihum yes2elooni ebcham.. bes akooo wa7da.. tes2alni 3an kelshay!!! .. WALLAH MO GA3DA ABALEGH.. "allah 7elo? men wain? ebcham?" .. "eshaweg! ebcham???" .. 3ayal matshoofni lama i shop.. akhame66 oo mashoof el price tags..
  

• Lama we're talking abt somebody.. b3dain wa7da etge6 wayehha besalfa MENO?! if we wanted u in our conversation we would have included u ! .. ya3ni 6ab3an excluding my close friends.. they can ask whatever they want.. family o close friends bethat..
  

• Sh3ndech Kashkha? ORRR 7ag meno!? ya rabi e7erni hal so2al.. LAZEM EKOON 3NDE SHAY 3ASHAN AKSHAKH?!.. kaiiiifiiiiii.. ana akshakh 7ag roo7i mo 7ag a7ad.. KELMAN YARRAAAAAA.. ge6a3
  

• ooo el so'al el 7AQEEEEEEEER --> Cham waznech? ana wayhi ege6 alwan.. a7mar azrag akhthar banafseji.. ele taboona.. oooo atwahag.. tips for the guys who read this.. NEVER ASK A LADY HOW MUCH SHE WEIGHS!
  

akamelukum ba3dain ;p .. elista sh6oolha

What are some questions that piss YOU off?