NEWS FLASH!

Have you ever met this ONE guy thats SO VAIN its not even funny? wa7ed maghroooor laih darajjjaaa ma te9aweroonha.. ena he walks in a place like he OWNS it... ?

WELLL I HAVE! .. wa7ed weyay bel jam3a.. WAYYYYYYYY 7ERRR!!!!!! .. bes ashoofaa thaq6i e9eer mallyoun!!!! i literally have to cont till 10 backwards and take deep breaths so i can relax ..

latshoofooona shloooon yetmakh6arrrrrr bel marar.. mashyetta et7errrrrrrrrr..yamshi shway. shway. shway. sh.wa.y. .. yakheth ra7taaa eb kel kha6wa.. atwaqa3 law el jam3a caught on fire.. chan e7tarag weyaha.. WAYYY WAYYYY BOROOOOODEK MO 9IJJJJ!!!

o latshoofon shlon yasfe6.. chenha mesafe6 uboooh!!! walaaaa shlon khashma shway wejees a cloud!.. wala lama e7achi a7ad.. e7acheeehum eb nfs.. ooo shloon e6ale3 enas men 6araf 3aiiina oo 3afessss wayha chena mo 3ajba!.. mallllll KAFFFFFFFFFFFFF asane3 wayha! 7alaaaya his ray bans ele chenaaa thebana feeehum!!.. wayhaa hal kobor -->. o his ray bans HAL KOBOR!!! ..

wedii .. wallah el 3atheeem 7AIIIIIL WEDIII.. i go up to him wagooola OQSEM BELAH ENEKKK MATSHAWEG!!! .. wallah el 3atheeem tarak n3al.. N3AAAAAAL.. layge9oooon 3alaik.. tara wallah ejamloonek!

WALAA LAMA EKHEZ!!!! abaiiiiiih!.. khazetta etkhare3! chena hes ready to POUNCE!.. wa3 wa3 wa3!! shal khelqa!!!.. maykhezooon chethe.. ma buga bnayyyyaaaaa bel jam3a ma khaz-ha.. i dont care what car you drive! i dont care about ur bank statement! i dont care if your bill gates himself! I DONT CARE! bettemm qatheeeeeth oo maleeeeq ooo sakheeeeeeeeef oo MA TENBELE3! so stop flaunting it.

wallah wallah wallah.. 7AIL WEDI ASHOOTA!.. ma7ebbba yarabi ma7ebbba..
laish lazem yerfa3 thaq6i wekoon weyay bel class laish? laish kel ma a6la3 algah mertaz jedami LAISH!!!..
hefff.

shoofoooli 7al weyah. anyone knows a hitman i can hire?

p.s. i hope he stumbles across my blog and reads this! i really do!.

Ta2theer El Tv Shows

Mayeekom esho3oor lama et6al3oon mosalsal.. wetgoloon ANA BA9EER CHETHE!.?!.. well estaw3abt et9eer feeni eb kel mosalsal ashoofa.. tara wallah e2athroon! ya3ni mathalan:

• When i watched Grey's Anatomy and House.. i wanted to be a doctor. Men 9iji!! ..WA7EBLEEEEEEE A MCSTEAMY AND A MCDREAMY!.. awwww amshi agoool ele abeeeh ma7ad ehemni wakooon bay3a edennnya eb fils just like Dr. House.
  

• When i watched Charmed.. i wanted to be a witch. 3ashan ele may3jbni.. AFAJER MOKHA EB MY MAGIC POTIONS! .. feeeh khair ele yet7arash feeeni
  

• When i watched Prison Break, i wanted to be a genius architect. 3ashan akha6e6 wataktek-ha..
  

• When i watched Dexter, i wanted to be a serial killer. 3ashan ele y2atheeni, bacher yekhtefi!

• When i watched Gossip Girl, abe a3eeesh jawhum. 3aysheen 7ayat-hum ;p not to mention being surrounded by beautiful people all the time.
  

• When i watched Ugly Betty, i wanted to work in a fashion magazine. Bes mabi a9eeer chethe jaikara.. wa3alayya.. ma7ad te6awa3 wadaha 9alon etrage3 eb khelqat-ha shway..

• When i watched Lost.. kent abiii athee3 eb jazeera.. w astakshef-ha .. oo chethe mughamarat o ashya2 ;p
  

• When i watched desperate housewives ,Abi a9eer emrateba nafs Bree, oo khebla nafs suzanne.. o ashaweg nafs gabby.. o qaweya nafs Lynette.. oo abi an Aston Martin ba3ad ;p
  

• When i watched Sex & The City i wanted to be writer .. 3ashan akteb ele abeeh and have people read it religiously.
  

• When i watched Lipstick Jungle, i wanted to have a sky rocketing career 3ashan mata7acha! akoon just as independant.. just as confident.
  

• When i watched Oprah, Wedi besss ag3ad 3ala qanaffa wasoolef weya enas.. waglebha dowaneya on camera 3ashan a9eer one of the richest women alive!

• When i watched Dr Phil.. LA 3AD EM9AKHAT ;p.. hal ensan law eroo7 emoot a7sanla.. an9e77a ena edesh bagrab 9abba.. le'ana 7AIIIIIIIIIIL a7tarrrrr o anqath menna.. that redneck.. he doest know what hes talking abt most of the time!.. E7ERR!!
  

mabi akamel b3dain etgoloon 3ani maynoona..
bes min 9ij.. mat7essoon sa3at chethe? lama etshofoon tv-shows?

Vent #1

• wa7ed la3wazni! kelshway edeg 3alaiiii .. awal mokalama consisted of this:

Me: alo
Guy: (madre shno kan g3d ekharbe6)
Me: alo! (irritated)
Guy: sem3ay sem3ay! TKFAIIIIIIIIIN LATSAKREEEEEENA!! 3afya sem3ay.. zain?
Me: ?????
Guy starts singing!!!!!!
6ab3an 3ala 6ool sakarta eb wayha..
LAISH G3D ETGHANEELI?! oo 9ota nashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaz!!!! laish wayed mo3jab eb 9otek? ge6ee3a.. wal7een kel ma ashoof raqam ghareeb mared 3alaih cuz i know its him.. kel ma ared 3ala raqam ghareeb ela uhwa g3d eghaneeeli .. akher eghneya kanat "Jebarni El Wagt".. it was funny at first.. but now its kind of annoying! .. SHALAKHNI MSGS!!

Msg#1: Mashkoora 3ala ele 9ar.. tara kelshay beldenya beltafahum
Msg#2: Ga3ed A3aberlech 3an masha3ree wentay sadaiteeh bwayhi mashkoora wayed..

MAYNOOON?! LA WALAH MEN 9IJEK?!.. ya3ni khalas GET THE HINT!.. ma radait 3ala ANY of ur msgs.. or calls.. dawer wa7da thanya etghaneelaha.. WAI3! ..

• LAISH MA3NDE CRUSHES METHEL UM MIT3IB?!.. ana agoool khal a7ad yetwa9a6liii wegoolaha etsalefni wa7ed men el crushes malot-ha 3ala ma algali wa7ed san3 ..
  

• ABI ASAFER! LA3AT CHABDE! .. wallah.. this semester i have NO SOCIAL LIFE WHATSOEVER! .. its exam after exam.. quiz after quiz.. homeworks o tekawedaw foug rasi.. not to mention projects.. and labs.. and lab reports.. BABCHE! i cant wait for this semester to end!.. hefff

• I gained 4 KILOS!!!! *gasp* .. yes.. FOUR! .. so for the past couple of days ive been living off tea.. boiled eggs.. and lettuce and coffee.. any suggestions?

• MA3NDE HDOOM ISHTA! .. wallah men 9ijjjiii.. i need to go shopping o ma3nde time.. so qarart agtheb wa7da men rab3ee.. wa36eeha lista sh6oolha .. with pictures ;p .. wage6 3alaiha my credit card.. wehya tetwala el mohemma ..
  

• ZAWJOOONI HUGH JACKMAN! .. aw shabeeeha.. ana artha! wallah artha ..
  

to be continued

Ayal.. !!

ya jema3at el khair.. thak el youm kent ray7a el ba7ar broo7i.. 7abait ashooof el sunset.. and maybe.. JUST MAYBE.. with the fresh air and the view.. gelt choud galbi ye7en shwaya wa9eer romanceya.. bes ma 6ala3 weyay shay.. lel assaf.. EL MOHEM.. wana ga3da in the freezing cold.. with my sweater and my scarf wrapped around me.. and my eyes watering men el hawa el BARED! a6el 3al ba7ar washoooof THIS!

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WALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN! NOT ANOTHER SUICIDAL INDIAN HOUSE MAID! ..hathi shetsawe? its FREEEZING!! oo 6abaaa ba7ar.. HATHI MEN SEJ-HA?! ana ga3da eb mukani labsa hoodie thegeel and a scarf and im freezing ! oo hathe bet6eb? mako another explanation ela enha suicidal..

al7eeen hathiii tente7er wana abtelesh.. a6el yemeeen yesar.. MAKO A7AD! .. chan atwahag!! .. al7eeen ana lazem i stop her.. etha khalait-ha o meshait bet9eer 3ala themetiii.. so i decided to run to her and knock some sense into her! .. so i jumped in the sand.. oo galbi 3awarni 3ala my new beautiful Pedro Garcia suede boots.. if anything was to happen to them.. id kill her before she got a chance to kill herself .. (yes i love my shoes)..

ELMOHEM.. as i run to her waving and screaming.. she merely ignores me..

"HEYYY!!! MARRRRRY! CHANDRAAAAA!!!!! LACHMI!!!!!!! STOP!".. and FINALLYYYY she turns to look at me.. and i start yelling at her..

Me: WHAT YOU DOING!!! COLD!!!!!! (6ab3an lazem el grammmer o el elsan yetghayar awal ma7achi hindi aw hindiya .. la sho3ooreyan)
Her: (et-hezli ras-ha o tebtesem)
Me: cold .. COLD?????? U NOT COLD? (w i offer to give her my scarf)
Her: (et-hezli ras-ha) Yes god!
Me: what god?! COLD?!?!?!
Her: God! yes god!

and it turns out.. shes praying madre shsalfat-ha.. PRAYING! this is how she prays.. etge6 roo7ha in the FREEEZING cold.. and makes herself an excellent candidate for pneoumonia (Smella 3alaiha) .. awwww hypothermia! not to mention almost giving me a heart attack! .. what kind of religion would allow such thing? 3assabt!! 3ama b3ain ebleeeesech ZAIN! .. ya mal el .....!!!

chan etrooo7 etzaheb laymoona.. o some thing that shoots fire.. and tries to burn it along with some chanting.. kheft she does some voodoo shit on me chan aan7ash..

ive been trying to research what type of religion hal maynoona.. bes ma 7a99alt shay.. so if any of u know.. let me know plz! thank u !